Men and women have notable differences in what they look for in a long-term mate.
David Frederick, assistant professor in the department of psychology at Chapman University, discusses the differences between the sexes when it comes to matching up.
Dr. David Frederick is an Assistant Professor of Psychology. He began teaching at Chapman in 2012. Growing up in rural upstate New York, he became fascinated with animal behavior, and his original dream was to chase monkeys around Africa as a primatologist. This spurred him to study how social and biological factors interact to shape the bodies, brains, and preferences of human and nonhuman animals. He enjoys teaching Research Methods, where students are taught how to use experimental and correlational research designs to understand studies on current issues such as debates over affirmative action and the causes of the wage gap between men and women, to how we can accurately measure people’s emotions. He also enjoys teaching Human Sexuality, where students learn how hormones, evolved biological systems, and social constructions can explain cross-cultural differences in sexuality, people’s mating preferences, factors shaping sexual orientation, and how doctors respond to intersex babies.
Attractiveness and Mating
What do people look for in a long-term, romantic partner? In the largest national survey ever conducted on this, we asked over 20,000 men and women what they want in a partner. We looked at what traits people find absolutely “essential” in a partner, versus what they find desirable but could possibly live without.
There were notable differences between men and women in what was essential to them in a long-term mate. We’ve known for a long time that men care more about attractiveness in a long-term partner, and women care more about resources. In our study, gender was the single most important predictor of how much people cared about these traits. The gender differences in what people want was bigger than differences by age, income, education, or confidence in appearance.
Consistent with past research, we did find that more women than men care about having a partner with a steady income or who made a lot of money. More men than women preferred having a “good looking” or “slender” partner. But, attraction and good looks are not necessarily the same thing. Men and women cared equally about having a partner they feel attraction to.
Income also matters. Wealthier men have stronger preferences for a good-looking partner, and the same was true for well-educated men. In contrast, wealthier women cared more about having a partner who had a steady income or made lots of money.
Confidence also matters. Men and women who were more confident in their appearance had stronger preferences for partners who were good looking and slender.
The mating market can be competitive. What we did find, however, was there is tremendous variation in what people want. Many people did not feel that good looks or high income was essential. In fact, the older people were, the less importance they placed on looks and income. As people get older and wiser, finding a companion to count on and trust for life can be more important than a pretty smile.
