Bonnie Le, University of Rochester – Here’s the truth about honesty in romantic relationships

Are you honest with your romantic partner?

Bonnie Le, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, explains the benefits of doing so.

Bonnie Le is an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rochester whose research focuses on how emotions and motivations shape well-being in interpersonal relationships. The goal of her research is to understand how emotional and motivational processes may help or hinder the maintenance of satisfying and supportive relationships, which are vital to psychological and physical health.

Here’s the truth about honesty in romantic relationships

 It’s human nature to value honesty in our closest relationships. But we’ve all been in a situation where we’re torn between telling a loved one what we really think and telling them what we think they want to hear. If you’ve ever had a spouse or romantic partner ask, “Do I look good in this outfit?” you know what I mean. 

I’m a psychologist and my research focuses on how emotions, motivations to care for others, and character strengths shape well-being in interpersonal relationships. 

I’ve found that, as the old saying goes, honesty is the best policy in our closest relationships — even when the truth may hurt. 

That finding is based on a study of more than 200 couples who we asked to share changes they’d like their partner to make about themselves. We looked at how expressing honesty, as well as how the receiver of the change news perceived their partner’s honesty.

The result? Honesty led to better personal well-being and stronger relationships for both partners. When people were honest about what they wanted to change, it helped them feel closer to their partner and motivated the other person to change.

Interestingly, what mattered most was the effort to be truthful and how much each person felt that their partner was being truthful. So, the mere act of partners opening up — and feeling that the other was being honest — was enough to improve their relationship. Those things build trust and make both partners feel more connected.

One thing to note about this study is that it focused on couples in relatively stable relationships. We haven’t yet tested couples facing more challenging times.

But the findings still suggest that honesty — especially in tough or delicate conversations — strengthens relationships in the long run. Even if the truth hurts, it’s worth it.